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August 2013 Archive

coming soon – registration opens tuesday!

A little preview of what’s to come for the Design Life Project e-course.

Have a wonderful weekend full of joy!

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when to just say NO
SayNO-Blog

The answer NO is an important ally when you are focusing in on your ideal day and ideal life. I talk a lot about IDEAL DAY – and really it’s because it is the answer to clearing the overwhelm, doing better work, and doing what you love. If you design your ideal day, you really can fill your days with joy. Saying NO is a huge part of constructing your ideal day.

Let be begin this post by saying I am HORRIBLE at saying NO. I really am, and I have to be honest about it. I am learning everyday from the mistakes I’ve made, saying YES to something that should have been a NO. So I’m learning right beside you.

I guess I’m a people pleaser or something. It really HURTS me to say NO to things – but I understand the importance, and I’m on my way! The first step to recognizing a problem is admitting to it right? So can we all just admit we are terrible at saying NO? Okay, cool. So let’s start now!


So what are the kind of things we need to say NO to?

1. NO to anything that doesn’t serve our bigger purpose.

This comes after we define our WHY, our bigger purpose. What is the ultimate goal you’re working towards? Let’s develop a filter in which we ask ourselves a question when something comes up. Does saying YES to this serve my bigger purpose? Does this job/project/opportunity help me get to my goal of _____ ? If not, that can trigger a NO.

2. NO to things we specifically don’t NEED to do.

If you’re wearing a million hats, and some of those hats can be worn by someone else, we should probably say NO to wearing that hat. For example, if you are charging $50/hour for your services, and you can pay someone $10/hour to clean your house, wouldn’t you be better off making that $40/hour profit by hiring a house cleaner and working instead of cleaning? Identify which jobs/commitments you CAN say NO to, and get it off your plate so that you can do more YES things.

3. NO to things that are not on your YES list.

This one is really simple – but can be pretty powerful. A couple weeks ago we created a YES list. Is this task NOT on your YES list? Then perhaps it deserves a NO!

4. NO to mindless distractions.

Are you distracting yourself with social media, just to feel bad afterwards and defeated after something you read? Time to limit this, gut your feed of the negative, and get moving on things that matter. NO to social media distractions.

5. NO to being taken advantage of.

Keep your time off/time with family/refresh SACRED. Develop your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let others cross those lines you’ve set. Set your office hours, and say NO to letting things TAKE OVER your personal time. Keep your prices firm. Say NO to being bullied.

6. NO to self doubt and fear.

This is a big one, but it’s super important. We talked about fear before, and that we can’t let it stop us. We need to say NO to the negative thoughts in our head, to the naysayers, to anyone who doesn’t believe in us, or encourage us. Let’s say NO to doubting ourselves, and NO to being afraid to take a leap of faith when it matters.


So today and moving forward, let’s say NO to more things. Let’s be a steward of our precious time and talents. Let’s give them the importance they deserve, fill our time with more joy, and use our talents in those ways that will be TRULY appreciated.

Registration for the Design Life Project e-course is NOW OPEN!. There’s gonna be some earth-shattering, AMAZING transformation in your lives, I just know it. We are going to have a wonderful 5 weeks together and we are going to grow SO much! I’m super excited. We are purposefully keeping this first class small and intimate, so SNAG YOUR SPOT and catch the early-bird rate!

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dealing with negativity
NegativityBlog2

My favorite memory when I think about negativity is the Debbie Downer skit on SNL a bunch of years ago. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, but just for fun (and to fill our lives with a little more laughter), let’s check it out again.

What makes this skit such a classic is that we ALL know these people. They are not usually ALWAYS this way, and their intentions are probably pure. But their attitude and sentiment can be a major drain on us. I’m a very sensitive person and I pick up the mood from others very easily. It’s so easy for me to get lost in another person’s orbit for awhile. I care so deeply and fully, that their outlook is very contagious to me.

This didn’t occur to me until a few years ago when attending one of the first Making Things Happen intensives.

I realized that the people you surround yourself with is a choice – and that the things you fill your day with, YOU have CONTROL over. I never thought of it that way, and it’s so freeing, don’t you think? You ultimately decide WHAT gets into your psyche and what isn’t allowed to. You are the gatekeeper.

It’s like the famous Jim Rohn quote says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So this means, that you should take stock of WHO those people are, and if they are adding or subtracting from your ideal day. This is a simplified notion, but it’s a powerful one. I don’t know that we can ALWAYS excise people who are negative (they may be family, etc.), but I do think we still have control of our top 5. I think you have control to offset THOSE people with the opposite – people who FILL you up! So if your top 5 people are draining you, bump them out of the top 5! Think of it like speed dial (insert Seinfeld reference). Let’s program our speed dial with 5 people who provide love, hope, encouragement and fellowship, all the time.

In the social media age, this means something totally different. We have hundreds, even thousands of “friends”. What is your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram feed saying to you on a daily basis? I am constantly trimming my feeds to keep my speed dial of social media, POSITIVE. This may even mean un-following the competition, if they are constantly making you feel less than. It doesn’t MATTER what these people are doing. You are not them and you don’t have to keep up with anything they do. You are you, and God made you like NO OTHER human being to EVER exist. Amen to that!!

There is another side to this idea that may be shocking to think about. Maybe the Debbie Downer is YOU.

Maybe that negativity is originating from YOU and maybe YOU are the one bringing everyone down. Make a decision to STOP. STOP complaining and START counting your blessings instead. Remember that people are PRAYING for things you currently have. Count your blessings and not your problems. If you need a reminder why you should be grateful read my story again as to how I learned the lesson the hard way. I realize BAD things happen to GOOD people ALL THE TIME. And it’s okay to hurt. And it’s okay to be in pain. But what you choose to do with that pain is up to you. Can you find the rainbow in the storm? Can you, amidst your pain, STILL be a blessing to others? How can you put more positivity out into the world? Can you love on people and serve them REGARDLESS of your circumstances?

This is a hard step, and I know it. It’s a constant battle for some, but it’s worth it. Every single one of you deserves to fill your minutes with JOY and not waste it on negativity and sadness. Don’t let your circumstances, people around you, or voices in your head steal your joy.

Make a list of your new 5 people on your positivity speed dial. Reach out to them and bask in their warmth. Thank them for being in your life. Ask them how YOU can bless them today.

Positivity is going to be a huge focus in the Design Life Project e-course. I’m not going to let you be negative, we are going to do this together! I’d love to invite you to join us! There are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens NEXT WEEK and you can snag your spot!

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scheduling for creatives – what actually works
SCHEDULINGblog

If you’re anything like me, your right brain and your left brain are in a constant battle. Your Left brain craves order, a system, to know what to expect at all times. On the other side, your Right brain craves freedom, inspiration, and is completely moody. Way to get along, guys.

Also if you’re like me, you’ve gone back and forth trying to please each side of your brain. You’ve tried listening to the Left brain, you’ve read books on organization, you’ve purchased calendars and planners. You’ve read about the newest app that will suddenly organize your life for you. And your Right brain just wasn’t happy, it wasn’t able to create properly within those way-too-serious time constraints – so these plans ultimately failed.

Then you tried listening to your Right brain – you let your creativity run your schedule, you created when you “felt” like it, and heck yes – you did some awesome work (BOO-YAH). But then, everyone counting on you started asking where things were, and when they were going to be done. Your Left brain went into full-fledge panic and wanted to know when things were going to get done, and how you were going to stay on top of things. Your Left brain called your Right brain a slacker! The nerve!!

So, now, you’re drowning in busy, and you’re not sure WHAT to do. The traditional business strategies just aren’t working for you! The problem with the systems, apps, books and calendars that you’ve tried – is that they were made by someone ELSE, for someone ELSE’s personality. Let’s just admit to ourselves right now, that as creatives we will NEVER fit in a one-size-fits-all personality type.

I’m a part of a group of creatives, and I asked them one day, what their personality types were. I was completely SHOCKED when they pretty much ran the gamut – and none of them matched mine. I thought surely, all creatives are somewhat the same. But they are not! The only thing we really have in common is the battle between both sides of our brains.

With all these different personality types, how will we ever develop a system to work and create efficiently and consistently? And what about your lifestyle? Your motivations? Your dreams? These developed systems don’t take into account what you really care about. Are you able to have time to do the things you’d love to do? To share time with the people you love? To go to the places you’d like to see? How can we fit those in to our system?

The answer is CUSTOMIZATION. I finally realized that I had to develop a system just for me, and I had to test it, tweak it, and mold it to fit my individuality. My system is like my fingerprint – and instead of fighting who I am, it takes in to account who I am, and works within my framework to create that perfect balance and harmony between my Left and Right brains.

Today I want to encourage you to stop using someone else’s perfect system, and design your own. Need help on how to start? Tips and tricks on how to balance them? I’d love to invite you to join us! The Design Life Project e-course will help you create a system to work efficiently, create beautifully, and LOVE those around you BIGGER and BETTER. If you feel like you NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME, than this course is for you! Scheduling is just one part of a whole new balance you’ll create in your life with this 6-week e-course. There are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens NEXT WEEK and you can snag your spot!

I can’t wait to hear how much you are loving this new system for scheduling! It REALLY works!

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4 steps to conquering overwhelm
4stepsoverwhelm-BLOG

When was the last time you felt UNDERWHELMED? My guess is it’s probably been awhile, right?

I work mostly with small business owners. A lot of them have full-time jobs, along with full-time in their businesses, along with full-time families! If there’s one emotion I know a ton about, it’s general overwhelm – when your plate is overflowing. Ever since I started my business over 5 years ago, I’ve pretty much been in a constant state of BUSY (Amen for fulfilling clients!), so for the past 5 years I’ve made it a top priority to conquer it. For me, it’s not really a destination as much as it is a journey. When I was getting prepared for my surgery, was when I finally figured out the secrets to finally CATCHING up and CONQUERING overwhelm. I had to get all my affairs in order, and get in a good spot with my business and life. It took a LOT of trial and error, but I finally figured out all the things I was doing wrong, and I’d love to share those with you.

1. Define your motivations, plans and priorities.

The first step to conquering overwhelm and balancing your life is to figure out what it’s all for. What is your ideal day, and how would you like to spend your time? This is defining the goal that we’ll be working towards.

2. Define your boundaries, and STICK to them.

This will finally set limits and rules to start clearing out time to conquer overwhelm. Develop a set of rules (your OWN rules) and do your best to stick to them. Let your clients know what your boundaries are and be firm.

3. Develop your team and delegate.

In this step, we will decide where you should spend your time, and where you should not. Which areas make sense for you to spend your time, and which do not. This step is one of the hardest to do, because it’s SO HARD for us to let go of things. This also means developing a budget for this as well.

4. Develop a customized schedule.

The old ways of organization and scheduling are out of date. Develop a personalized schedule for yourself that includes the little “fires” we have every day with clients, or family. Schedule in time for Yoga class. Give yourself an HOUR for lunch (yeah, when was the last time you did that?). Schedule your design time for when you’re MOST creative. Work WITH your style and not against it.

 

These are the basics, and YES they can be tough, but THEY WORK! It’s important to tackle overwhelm, because if you do nothing, it will only get worse.  If you continue doing the same things, the same way, you’ll get burned out, and it may start unraveling at the seams. It’s not one of those things that fixes itself with time. You have to DO SOMETHING in order to see results.

Want to finally conquer overwhelm and creating a balance?  Do you never feel like you have enough time? Need partners in motivation to get it done once and for all? Want to start clearing out overwhelm RIGHT AWAY? Registration opens next week for the Design Life Project E-course and I’d love for you to join us if you’re struggling. In six weeks you can learn what it took me years (and lots of failed attempts) to learn about developing a system (that actually works) to conquer overwhelm. You’ll start tackling overwhelm right away, and by the end of the six weeks, you will have a solid plan in action to finally feel that freedom from overwhelm. We have limited seats to keep the class small and intentional, and also an early-bird discount you won’t want to miss. Make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens and you can snag your spot!

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authenticity for a designer: mission impossible?
BLOGAUTH

Oh AUTHENTICITY. You sure are getting a lot of press lately. At least around my circles, everyone is talking about the importance of finding your true, authentic self. I love this concept, and I totally preach it to my clients.

But there’s another side to this conversation that’s been a bit swept under the rug.

I was invited to be a speaker at Amber Housley Inspired a few weeks ago in Nashville, Tennessee. I spoke about the importance of being authentic and telling your story. Telling your story in your brand and your website (and every touch-point along the experience) is paramount to getting the clients you love, and doing what you’re best at. When we are authentic to our story, we are able to fill our buckets with what we love.

I got a question after my talk that really got me thinking. The woman (a fellow graphic designer) pointed out that she agreed with me – that finding your authentic self really is the right way – but that most of the time, finding your authenticity as a DESIGNER can prove EXTREMELY difficult. And I totally agree, as a graphic designer, it can be darn-near impossible.

We designers pride ourselves on designing for OTHERS’ voice, style, or look. We ourselves have trouble finding a voice, a style, a look of our own. We can get so lost in designing for others, that we forget who WE really are somewhere along the way.

How ironic huh? We can design for everyone but ourselves. Heck, I even design for OTHER designers all the time. I thought a lot about WHY it’s so tough, and here’s where I think the issues lie:

1. We are style chameleons, and METHOD designers.

We are masters of so many styles – connoisseurs of them even.  We can see beauty in just about anything. We are able to change ourselves to the style/authenticity of the client. It’s why we are good at what we do. Just like a method actor, we are able to remove ourselves from the equation to truly immerse ourselves in the client and their needs.

2. We are too hard on ourselves.

We expect whatever we do for ourselves, to be our MASTERPIECE. It needs to be genius, it needs to be the best thing we’ve EVER done. The trouble with that standard, is it’s impossible to reach. As designers, we are constantly growing and learning. The magic design that will be everything to everyone, doesn’t exist. If I’m being honest, I don’t want my brand or site to be the best thing I’ve ever done. I’d rather save my best for my clients. Truly. My clients inspire me beyond understanding.

3. We can’t see ourselves from the outside.

The biggest reason I think we struggle with self-design, is that we can’t see ourselves. We are too “close” to the project to identify who we really are. We know we have a style, but we can’t see it from fresh eyes.


So, what’s a designer to do? How can we share our brand story? How can WE be authentic? Let’s figure this out by tackling the problems above.


1. Identify what sets our hearts aflame.

Although we are masters of a lot of styles, we DO have OUR style in there somewhere. So then, it’s a matter of identifying WHICH one really is the sugar in our tea. We can do this through self-exploration techniques, Pinterest boards, magazine cut outs, etc. We can identify which styles we love above all the rest, and which ones truly fit.

2. It doesn’t need to be genius. It just needs to be YOU.

Let go of the idea that your design is going to end world hunger. That’s too much to ask. It just simply needs to feed your soul, and make YOU feel good. Does it make you happy? Does it make you smile? Are you confident it speaks your language? That’s what matters most.

3. Get to know yourself, outside of yourself.

This is tough, I know. Think outside the box if you have to. How can you get out of your own head? When I was doing my own re-brand, I re-designed my office with the help of an interior designer. I had an ah-ha moment when everything in my style board SCREAMED me. I thought, how can I translate this room into my brand? Now I love my branding and it really speaks to who I am. It’s not my most complimented brand or website, but it’s ME, and that’s all that matters. It makes me happy.

You may notice I didn’t mention anything about designing for your ideal client. While I think it is important, I think it’s just the first step. Designing for your ideal client is easier than designing for yourself. I’m assuming here that your design will encompass your ideal client’s style, and yours. If you are designing from scratch, design for your ideal client, and then freshen it up for yourself. But take care of YOUR needs. You won’t feel understood until the design feels authentic to you.

I’d love to encourage you today to think about YOUR brand and how it makes you feel. Try some of these techniques and see if they jog some ideas out of that brilliant brain of yours. If you need help, I’d love to invite you to join us for the Design Life Project e-course! The first part of the course, we’ll do some exercises to really figure out who you are and what sets your heart on fire. Registration opens NEXT WEEK and there are limited seats to keep the experience personal. Make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens and you can snag your spot.

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P.S. The response to telling my story was surprising and overwhelming (in a good way). I got SO many messages thanking me for sharing, and telling me how much it touched them. It was hard to write and even harder to relive, but I’m so glad I did. It meant the WORLD to me to hear from you. I am blessed to have your ear. THANK you all for reading.

my story, my tumor, my catalyst for change
CatalystBlog

Today is a big day for me. I’m FINALLY sharing my story in writing. In a few days it will be the 1 year anniversary of my surgery, and the most influential day of my life.

Some of you know my story a little, some of you know it a lot. I can see my story differently now that a year has passed. I can really see how it’s affected me, and how things have changed SO much.

After reading my story, you’ll see why the Design Life Project is so dear to me, and I hope that it will encourage you to NEVER take things for granted, and NEVER GIVE UP.


One day in September 2011 I was in my bathroom doing my makeup. All of a sudden I noticed one of my lymph nodes under my jaw (close to my ear) was swollen. I felt the other side, and it was totally normal. That alarmed me a little, because usually when you’re fighting an infection, both lymph nodes are swollen. Still, I wasn’t going to run to the doctor just for that. A week or so later, it was still there. I told my husband, “Hey, my lymph node on my right side is swollen.”

Now if you know my husband Erik, you KNOW he’s a crazy hypochondriac (Love you baby!). So I really hesitated in telling him, but I needed to ask someone. He started immediately freaking out and demanding I go to the doctor. I acquiesced and said I’d make an appointment to see my Primary Care doctor. Erik insisted I get in RIGHT away, so I did.

Every time I go to the doctor thinking there’s something really wrong with me, there never is, so I wasn’t surprised when the doctor said it was nothing. The doctor felt the lump, and and was pretty nonchalant about it. “It is probably just your body fighting some kind of infection,” the doctor shrugged. “Give it a few weeks, and if it’s still there, I’ll refer you to an ENT (ear, nose and throat specialist).

Well that did NOT go over well with my husband. He was NOT happy and he demanded I get the appointment with the ENT right away – no more waiting. So I contacted my primary care and got an appointment to see an ENT.

The ENT appointment was BAD. If you’re squeamish about needles, just skip over this paragraph. I was NOT prepared for what was going to happen. The ENT first stuck a camera through my nasal passage (up my nose) all the way to my throat. PROBABLY one of the most painful things ever.

I remember my baby daughter who was 8 months at the time, sitting in her baby carrier, watching the whole thing, totally oblivious, as my husband squeezed my hand tight and tears fell down my cheeks.

The ENT said he didn’t see anything. He then told us he was going to do a fine-needle aspiration (FNA). He injected the mass with some numbing medication, then started the biopsy. The needle they use for this procedure is HUGE and it’s hollow. They are basically taking “cores” of the mass. So he proceeded to dig into the mass over and over, removing samples. Although I was numbed, this STILL HURT badly.

The ENT then ordered me to get a CT scan and an MRA (like an MRI but more detailed), and told me he’d call me when we got the results. I lagged on getting the scans done, as I figured it would be a waste of money/time to do the scans, if the FNA came back negative. The ENT called and he said the FNA was inconclusive (meaning they couldn’t tell if it was cancerous or not).  He scheduled an open biopsy surgery to remove more of the tissue. He asked if I’d gotten the scans done, and I told him I hadn’t, so he scheduled it a couple days before the surgery.

He ordered a rush on the results of the scans, and called me back the day before the surgery, saying he canceled it. He diagnosed me with a Carotid Body Tumor (CBT), and said he was referring me to a vascular surgeon who specialized in these things, but beyond that he did not explain anything to me about what the diagnosis meant.

So in comes Google! I googled Carotid Body Tumor. Basically it’s a tumor that grows in the “carotid body” – the area between where your carotid artery splits (it’s like a Y). The type of tumor is called a paraganglioma. I also read that it was EXTREMELY rare. I really couldn’t get a ton of information on it. That’s about all I knew before going to see the vascular surgeon.

The vascular surgeon appointment was totally surreal. The other shoe finally dropped, when he explained exactly what I had, what it meant, and the treatment options.

The doctor told us, “I don’t want to sugar-coat this. The tumor you have is very serious. It is three-quarters of the way wrapped around your carotid arteries. We won’t know if it’s cancerous or not until it’s removed.”

“The FNA was extremely dangerous to do with this type of vascular (full of vessels) tumor, because it could have caused internal bleeding. It is a slow-growing tumor, so you don’t have to get it removed immediately, but it is only going to grow, and it’s very large now.” I remember hearing his words like I was watching a movie. I was very removed from the situation.

He continued, “The surgery to remove this tumor is difficult, requires a lot of skill, and is very dangerous. Since this tumor is so very rare, not a lot of people have worked on them. I’ve done a lot of them compared to most people in this area (Southern California) – I’ve performs 5 of these surgeries in my 20 year practice. I have to be honest with you, and tell you, 4 of the surgeries were successful, but one of the surgeries, the woman suffered a massive stroke.”

“You see, the danger in this surgery is that the tumor grows on the carotid arteries, and it is very difficult to differentiate where the artery ends and where the tumor begins. Your carotid artery supplies blood to the brain. If the artery accidentally gets cut in the process, it has to be clamped to be repaired, and while it’s being repaired, it’s not supplying blood to the brain – which causes a stroke.”

At this point, I was pretty removed from reality. I had the oddest response. I remember SMILING and feeling like I needed to hold in my laugh. Almost like – “Oh OKAY yeah sure. I have a crazy tumor and have to undergo a surgery that could kill me or cause permanent brain damage. RIIIIGHT.”

Erik didn’t find it so funny. He was pale and he was shaking. I didn’t know what to say to him, or how to make it any easier.

The doctor continued by explaining all of the other possible side effects that were more likely – like me having to eat from a feeding tube the rest of my life. The neck and carotid artery are surrounded by very sensitive nerves, that control a lot of different things. There is a main nerve there that controls your mouth, throat and swallowing. If during the process they injure the nerve or have to remove part of it to remove the tumor, I would lose control of my ability to swallow on my own.

My tumor was also on the right side, which meant it controlled the RIGHT side of my brain. I need my RIGHT brain. I use it. A LOT. It was quite literally my creativity at stake.

The doctor finished up by telling us he would give us some time to think about what we wanted to do. He recommended waiting until after the holidays. Of course. Not a fun Christmas present.


This was the beginning of the darkest period of my life. I had to face this surgery eventually. It was like this cloud entered my life and made it’s home above my heart. All I could see was dark skies and rainy days. It was very hard to feel joy during this time.

The worst part of it all was that I was now a mother, to an amazing little baby girl. This changed EVERYTHING for me. I could not imagine Aven having to grow up without a mom – or worse – with a mom who was mentally disabled. Honestly there were a LOT of “ifs” that could happen with this surgery, and they loomed over me like nothing I have ever felt. I played out this scene in my mind a million times:

“My mother died.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay, she died when I was young, I didn’t KNOW HER.”

It devastated me to imagine she might never know me. She’d never know the sleepless nights, the love and care I had for her. She would never know the sound of my voice or the touch of my skin. She would NEVER know.

I also played out the scene if I’d suffered brain damage. I imagined her having to treat her mom like a child, and never knowing how I used to be. I imagined people telling her stories about me, and her wishing she could have seen me like that.

It was terrible. My mind was a minefield with horrible thoughts. I’d break down and cry in the middle of the day. I’d scream to God and tell him that I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I wondered why God would let this happen. I wondered if my time on Earth was done. I wondered why I was even here. I pictured my family, my husband, living the rest of their lives, either without me, or having to take care of me.

I imagined the moment BEFORE being put to sleep, wondering if it would be my last moment. I wondered if I suffered brain damage, if I would “know” it. Would I understand that I was disabled? Even worse, would I understand and not be able to communicate it?

Erik was very strong through these days, until one night. He broke down and started sobbing. My husband NEVER cries. This was probably only the 3rd time I’d ever seen it, and this one was the worst. He cried out,

“God, you can take ANYTHING, but you CAN’T take my WIFE.”

It killed me inside.

I remember being so upset at people around me taking things for granted. People would complain about the stupidest things. Every time I heard someone complaining about something dumb – like TRAFFIC – on Facebook, I wanted to scream at them – “WELL AT LEAST YOU DON’T HAVE A TUMOR!!” I was upset that they got the LUXURY of worrying about traffic. I was possibly facing my last days on Earth. I was facing possibly leaving my husband a widow, and my daughter motherless.


I was supposed to have the surgery in April, and I just couldn’t confirm a date with them. The whole situation just DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT. Something was missing and I just didn’t know why. I felt SO ALONE and SO afraid. The tumor is so rare, that I still couldn’t find much information on survivors. I couldn’t find anyone who had BEEN through it. I didn’t fit in with people battling cancer, and I couldn’t talk to my family or friends, because they just couldn’t understand.

I decided to search, search and search some more. One night on my iPad, I found a forum with people who had been diagnosed with a CBT. It hadn’t been updated after the person had the surgery. But I posted anyway. I posted about my diagnosis. I then got a private message from a member, who told me they had a private Facebook group! I immediately connected with a woman named Valerie.

I remember telling her she was like an angel. She told me her story and it was very similar to mine. She’d had the tumor removed and she was fine!

She told me about the National Institute of Health (NIH) in Washington, D.C. She told me they had a protocol (basically like a clinical trial) that studies these rare types of tumors, and that they operate on them often. She said all I had to do was get accepted into the program.

At this moment, it was like the cloud above my heart, suddenly floated away. The sun shone on my heart and I felt a million pounds lifted from my shoulders. It was the answer to my prayers, and I felt a peace come over me instantly. I felt God in that moment, I was truly wrapped in his warm embrace.

I knew this was the answer. Even though I hadn’t even applied or wasn’t even accepted, I knew. I immediately told Erik and he had the same reaction as me (Hallelujah!). I remember not worrying about how much it would cost, I knew God would provide. I later asked Valerie about the cost. She said, “Oh gosh, I forgot to mention, it’s all paid for! It’s for governmental research.” My miracle really had arrived. I applied, sent them my scans, and got invite to fly out to D.C. to get the testing done.


The Facebook group was solace for me.

Finally, people who understood. We were united in our rareness.

It was also difficult, as some of the members would pass away. They would change their profile pictures to an in-memory candle when someone from the group would pass away. There was one that affected me more deeply than the others. She was 33 years old. I stared at her posts pre-surgery, I heard her voice. And now she was gone.


In May of 2012 my dad and I flew out to D.C. to NIH. I underwent a week’s worth of testing. I was a literal lab rat. They sampled just about every liquid in my body, and did numerous body scans, complete with nuclear injections. I was pretty much glowing in the dark after that week.

A few weeks later, they scheduled my surgery for the end of August. The next three months were extremely tough. I was still very afraid.

I decided in order to be strong, I had to make peace with the fact that I may not make it through surgery. I had to lean on God’s understanding – that if it was His will, it was part of His plan. I decided if I was ready to die, I could face the surgery knowing I had done all that I could do.

I spent the next three months preparing for my own death.

I created a will, and a living will – which is basically stating your wishes should you become incapacitated – a very REAL threat in my case. I gave the orders of what to do should I become a vegetable or unable to speak my wishes. I made sure my life insurance was current. I wrote down all my bank account information.

I prepared my business. I got all my clients projects in order. I was going to be totally responsible, and not leave anything to Erik to have to deal with. I prepared my assistant with all the info she would need, and gave my mother-in-law access to running the business financials if she needed to. I wrote letters to my loved ones.

I hired a professional photographer to take family photos of us in our home, and a professional videographer to help me make a video for my daughter.

I basically made the video, to tell my daughter GOODBYE.
I told my daughter how much I had LOVED her.

During this time I read an AMAZING book called One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No-Regrets Life by Kerry Shook. In it, he explores what we would do if we only had 30 days left to live. He explores the idea of legacy, and the world and the people you’re leaving behind. He talks about what people would have to say about you, and how you lived.


Did I live the life I was supposed to? Did I use the gifts God had given me?

When we are gone, all that matters is how we affected others.

Had I really made a difference?

When it was all said and done, when I met God would he say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” Matthew 25:23

I started to switch my thinking from “what if I don’t survive it” to “what if I DO survive it?” I started to think about how this fit into God’s plan. If I survived, what was His reason for keeping me here? If I survived, it meant I had work left to do. I decided if I did survive, that my life would have to change.


So the day finally came to leave for the east coast. My husband and I decided to spend the first 5 days of our trip, having fun. We went to NYC and stayed in Times Square. We lived it up, and had a wonderful time. We then took a train from New York to Washington, D.C., and a cab to NIH, which is in Bethesda, Maryland.

I ended up catching a cold in NYC, and it delayed my surgery. I was inpatient the whole week, so I was in the hospital and had to sleep apart from Erik. They have testing all week and the surgeries on Friday. I was still very sick by Thursday, so they canceled the surgery. I was so frustrated, I just wanted to get on the other side of the surgery. We had to cancel our return flight. Being sick in the hospital is a big deal, I was on quarantine from the other patients and had to wear masks and gloves. A few days later, they finally cleared me to have surgery. The night before my surgery, I spent a lot of time alone with God. I gave it to Him, I knew I was in His hands and I felt peace.

That night, I read my Facebook, and there was such an outpouring of prayers for me. My friends had posted on their pages to pray for me and my surgery. It meant the world to me, and I knew if this life was over, that I was loved.


The next morning I got up bright and early, and showered. Erik came to be with me. We waited. And waited. And waited. 3 hours after they were supposed to get me, they finally showed up with the gurney. The gurney trip to the OR was long. My heart pounded. When I got to the hallway outside the OR, the anesthesiologist met me. This was the time when I was supposed to get the “triple cocktail” as they called it. It was basically a mix of medications to relax you before entering the OR. The anesthesiologist informed me because we were running so late, that we would have to skip it, and that now it was time to say goodbye to my husband.

I wish I could say that I was strong in that moment. But I wasn’t. I broke down into tears and started sobbing uncontrollably. My husband kissed me and told me he loved me.

One of my doctors/surgeons touched my foot and said, “Catherine, it will be okay. We will take good care of you.”

And it meant the world to me and I was able to stop crying (Thank you Dr. Patel).

I went into the OR. It was a HUGE room where the left side of the room was all glass – an observation area, and there were a few people sitting there, observing from another room. I assume they were students (NIH has a renowned program). I was SO scared. I remember every second like it was yesterday. The sounds of the room, the machines, the tools. There were probably about 10 people in the room, all busy doing things to prepare.

They were trying to get an IV set up in my hand, and the anesthesiologist and nurse started arguing about placement. The anesthesiologist told the nurse, “Let’s talk about this in a minute,” meaning let’s talk about this AFTER the patient is asleep. They tried to give me oxygen through my nose, but I was all stuffed up from the cold that I couldn’t breathe right. They gave me a mask instead.

All I could do was stare at the ceiling, counting down the minutes until this was over. Minutes turned to hours.

I prayed, “God just get me through these next few seconds. I just want to get through these next few seconds, so that I can finally hand it all over to you.”

The anesthesiologist told me, “Alrightie, let’s have you take a little nap!” And I was out.


I woke up when I was being rolled into recovery. The next few minutes were a ton of TMI, so I’ll spare you those details. Basically I had a rough time coming out of anesthesia. The nurse asked if I wanted my husband, and I said yes.

My husband had a huge smile on his face and kept saying, “You did it baby! You made it!!”

I immediately asked him to get on my Facebook on my phone, and let everyone know I was okay. First things first, right?

The surgery was a success. They removed all of the tumor. I thought the coast was clear. I looked at myself in a mirror, and I realized something was wrong. The right side of my face was mostly paralyzed. I couldn’t make a full smile, and my eyelid was droopy on that side.

Later on, the head surgeon came in to check on me. He explained to me how bad my tumor was and how difficult it was to remove. They almost had to dislocate my jaw to get all of it. It had grown all the way up to the base of my skull. He said there may have been some nerves damaged because of all the jostling, but that nothing was severed. He told me it was called Horner’s syndrome. It’s where there is damage to the sympathetic nerve chain, and causes the drooping eyelid. He said it was most likely temporary. I was lucky to be alive, so I didn’t really let it bother me much.

We flew home a few days later. I was still in a lot of pain, but it was my husband’s 32 birthday, so we had a lot of family in town. What an awesome birthday present huh?

I had a new lease on life. I loved more, complained less, and pushed my art to new heights. I filled my days and my life with things that mattered. I finally realized how much of a BLESSING this whole ordeal was to me. I had survived and I was here for a reason. AMEN, AMEN, AMEN.


I finally got back the pathology report, and it said something VERY unexpected. It said the tumor was a Schwannoma. NOT a paraganglioma like everyone thought. A schwannoma? What the heck is that? Instead of a vascular tumor that grows on your arteries, it’s a tumor that is full of nerve cells, and grows on the nerves. This explained my nerve damage.

So back to Google I go. I start searching Cervical Sympathetic Chain Schwannoma. The more I research, I find out that this tumor is EVEN rarer than the first!

To this day, I haven’t met another person who has had this. There are only about 60 documented cases of a Cervical Sympathetic Chain Schwannoma in the ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Which would make it about ONE in a MILLION people get this.

So… was it cancerous?

I got ahold of one of my doctors at NIH (I had about 5 of them) and she finally answered my question on if it was cancerous or not – “We don’t know.” She explained that basically these tumors are still quite a mystery. They are basically cancer – but they don’t say they are cancerOUS until they metastasize – spread. So she explained that if it spreads, it’s cancerous, and if it doesn’t, it was benign. I was also tested for a genetic mutation that they think can cause these tumors. I was negative for the gene mutation, which was a big relief, because it could have been passed on to my daughter.


So now, on the one year anniversary of my surgery, I’m tumor-free. The nerve damage has mostly healed. I have a few issues with my vocals, but nothing big.

Surgeons removed a tumor from my neck, but God performed surgery on my heart. He healed me. He healed more than just my body. He healed my blindness and apathy.

God showed me what is important, and that’s OTHERS. I want to make a difference in others, and I want to help people. I want to serve His people.

I want to SHARE this story to all who will listen.

This is why the Design Life Project means so much to me. I want to encourage you to live a life you LOVE. I want to encourage you to be THERE for your family. To do your ABSOLUTE best at what you do. To CARE for and BLESS one another. To LOVE with everything you’ve got, and to NEVER take it for granted.

Thank you for blessing me by reading my story. Now make the rest of today COUNT.

 

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P.S. I want to send some long overdue thanks to some people who were there with me through this journey. I could not have done it without you, and I will forever be grateful.

To my friends, to the Betas, for always listening and praying for me.

To my friend Valerie, and the rest of the Pheo/Para troopers – for being there. Rest in peace to those we’ve lost.

To my dear friend Lupita, for giving me constant hope, love and prayers to get me through this time.

To my best friend Jamie, who is my sister in Christ and who was a constant foundation.

To my Mother-in-Law who was patient and kind, and listened to me cry.

To my Mom who is MY ROCK and got me through and took care of my daughter when I couldn’t.

To my Dad, for traveling with me and getting through the impossible task of having to stand by and watch HIS little girl go through this.

To my daughter Aven, you are the REASON I had to LIVE. I love you with ALL of my heart.

To my husband Erik, for being my partner through it all.

To Doctor Patel, Doctor Kebebew, Doctor Yudiskya, Nurse Casey, Nurse Karen – To all of the NIH crew, for treating me kindly, making it possible and healing me.

To the United States Government and all us Tax-paying citizens – for paying for it.

AND MOST OF ALL…

To our one and only Savior Jesus Christ – the Way, the Truth, and the Life – for healing me – INSIDE and OUT, and for loving me anyway.

taming mr. big picture

MrBigPicture-Blog
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Let me first start off saying that I have no beef with Mr. Big Picture. He’s a cool dude, and yeah, we’re buddies and I hang out with him ALL THE TIME. But Mr. Big Picture is kind of a beast and he can be a bit frightening at times. He can also be super annoying when I want to make progress – to get stuff done. He hangs over my shoulder, breathing down my neck. I know he’s there, he doesn’t have to make himself known every second while I’m trying to get stuff done.

It’s a silly analogy, but isn’t it totally true? Mr. Big Picture is like a monster in the closet. Trying to see the Big Picture can invite big questions like “what am I doing with my life?” and “am I doing this thing right?” or “where do I belong?” It’s scary stuff, and sometimes we’d rather shut the closet door and keep the monster there.

When we think about the Big Picture, we can often get overwhelmed. We don’t NEED to. Instead, we can acknowledge it, and plan around it. We don’t let it paralyze us, or distract us from moving forward.

When Mr. Big Picture confronts us, we can say “Oh, hey Mr. BP! I got your email asking me about where my life is headed. I’d love to grab some coffee with you sometime and we can chat about it, but right now I’m working on an important project that needs my full attention. Good to see you though!!!”

I’m still not saying that we sweep it under the rug – I’m saying that we make a date with Mr. Big Picture. We take time to give him the audience he needs, but we DON’T let him leech into all areas of our life.

I want to encourage you today, to make a date with Mr. BP in the near future, but for now, to tell him to butt out while you’re trying to work.

Today, I’m keeping it a bit light, because tomorrow I have a whopper of a story to tell you – MINE. I’m going to tell you the story of my catalyst moment – the one that changed me forever. See you tomorrow!


I’m getting SO excited for the launch of the Design Life Project e-course. We will talk a lot about the BIG PICTURE and not letting it overwhelm you. Registration opens in a couple weeks and there are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens and you can snag your spot!


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the pricing balance
PricingBalanceBlog

Aww the old favorite – or not so favorite – topic – PRICING. This is a hot button subject, and truth be told, it’s scary. It’s so scary that I didn’t want to talk about it, ha! I’m afraid to talk about it! Can’t let a little fear stop me though. Hopefully you’ll agree with me, if not, that’s okay too. Let’s stay friends, ok?

So there’s been a buzz around the internet from a post by a fellow graphic and web designer, in which she boldly says that “Artists think they are worth more than they are.” She argues that she raised her prices to what she “thought” they should be. She described a backlash of sorts, which ended up in her missing opportunities to work with some fantastic people, and work too little. It got me REALLY thinking, because this is the opposite of everything you hear. I’d NEVER heard before that someone regretted upping their pricing. I’m not sure what her prices were before and after – but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that she didn’t feel good in her SOUL, about her pricing. She wasn’t happy with someone else’s idea of what her pricing should be.

Let me be clear, I DON’T agree with the statement that “Artists think they are worth more than they are.”

I think an artist’s WORTH is priceless. You cannot put a price tag on a life of experience, of blood, sweat and tears to become who you’ve become. If we are talking about VALUE of the WORK to another PERSON – then yes, that’s a number we can probably guess at. I do think MORE times than not, an Artist is under-charging. I find a LOT more people undercharging then overcharging. We often devalue ourselves when we are doing something we love to do.

On the other hand, I also believe it’s our duty as artist to be responsible in our pricing, to do no financial harm unless they can afford it, and the value is there. There’s a pledge called Do No Financial Harm that I love, and it states, I PLEDGE:

1. To care for my clients’ financial well-being,
2. To care for my business’ financial well-being,
3. To care for the financial well-being of my industry.

I absolutely adore this concept and it really hits to the heart of what I believe.

I believe, just like everything else, that pricing needs a balance. It needs to work for you REALISTICALLY (because you’re probably still undercharging), and it needs to provide the appropriate value for your client. Pricing should also dictate how much you want to work. If you’re looking to shift the balance to more family, and less work, you should charge more. If you love what you do and you’d like nothing but to get more work, you can price yourself competitively (notice I still didn’t say lower your prices). I don’t believe in the idea of pricing competitively and booking crazy amounts in advance, or having a long wait-list. I’ve seen businesses who are booked 2+ years in advance, or are impossible to get in to work with, and it’s totally crazy to me. PLEASE raise your prices and allow the people who LOVE you to work with you. I don’t think forcing clients to wait around a crazy amount of time is a sustainable or responsible way to do business. Can I get an AMEN?

I’d love to encourage you today to think about your pricing, and how it makes you feel. Do you feel it’s appropriate to the value of your work? Are you working with the people you’d like to be working with? Remember, too-low prices attract nightmare clients (I’ve got some CRAY stories when I first started doing invitations, but that’s another post). Are you doing okay financially? Are you booked too far in advance? Do you want to work less? Do your clients appreciate you, your work and your vision?

If not, let’s fix it. Let’s finally find the balance between worth, value and price. You can do it!

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I’m getting SO excited for the launch of the Design Life Project e-course. PRICING will be a hot topic in the course, and we will talk about developing a strategy that works for you. Registration opens in a couple weeks and there are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens and you can snag your spot!

your YES list
YesList-blog

Today I thought I’d turn it over to you, to create your “YES” list. This is a list of all the things you can/should/will say YES to. You can turn to this list in moments when you need cheering up, or in moments when you find yourself mindlessly channel surfing (or checking Facebook). Let’s turn to this list when you need to fill your bucket with joy.

Download the YES list, print it out, and fill it out right away. Don’t give things too much thought, think with your heart and don’t edit your answers. These should be easy things that don’t require a ton of effort or stress. Keep these light.

CLICK HERE to download the PDF. Please share the YES list with your friends!

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PS. I’m getting SO excited for the launch of the Design Life Project e-course. This YES list will start helping you identify the things you want to say YES to – and help you on your way to living out your ideal day. Registration opens in a couple weeks and there are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens and you can snag your spot!